Heartbreak
by goldnote
Summary: Drizzt tell us about how he loved and lost it all. Hear the story of the broken warrior through his own eyes. Rated T. My first Forgotten Realms fic!
1. Frailty

**Hello! I'm glad you stumbled across this story! This is my first Forgotten Realms fanfic. Funny story (not this particular story I've written, just some background) I used to laugh at my friends for reading Forgotten Realms. I was a Dragonlance girl myself and madly in love with all the books. Well, once I finished all of the Dragonlance books (I honestly did) I had to move onto something. I found the collector's edition of a Forgotten Realms series: The Icewind Dale Trilogy. (With the Matt Stawicki cover! ) Anyway, I am at the end of the first book, The Crystal Shard, and I decided that Drizzt is one of my new favorite characters. I love the parts at the beginning, middle, and end when the drow talks for a page or two about beautiful things and how they relate to what is going on. So, I decided to work on a new story (although I have about 4 others that need work, too...) **

**I hope I get the characterization right, especially on Drizzt, and I know I should wait until I at least finish the first book (only 20 pages away from the end!) but I loved these ideas so much. Please be kind if I make a mistake or two (forbid I do, but just in case!) and I would love to hear back from you. The more reviews and posts and emails I get, the more ideas I get and I am either assured or disheartened, both which are good for my writing style! **

**Time to stop babbling and to start the first chapter! Here we go!**

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Frailty

_Elves, for all their beauty, are strong. We are said to be beautiful, stunning, unique, mystical, and these things could be considered true. Our bone structure is delicate, our eyes piercing, our bodies tall and lean, with a mass of long hair falling over our shoulders. I do not consider myself beautiful, but I can see it in the eyes of others; even as fear shines in their eyes, they gaze on me in wonder. How could a creature such as that be so deadly? How could he be a fighter? How could he gain so much renown? Surely he did not do all the things that are claimed, not with a body such as that. So weak, so fragile... A spirit of air, nothing more, and air could not hold a weapon._

_Ironically, most of those who think this are human. Humans. They can be vile, repulsive creatures, no sense of morality or pride; they can also be brave and faithful to their cause, whatever that might be. But, for as strong as they seem and how powerful they think they are, are far weaker than they appear. Their bodies cannot withstand the power mine can. Their minds can bend and break quite easily while I can remain calm in even the deadliest of situations. They lose all control while I can contain myself and stay calm, saving myself and those around me. There is no thought in fear: that is why humans are weak._

_I might appear weak and, because I am unusual, my white hair and dark skin, my cape wrapped around my lithe body, I am to be feared. To them, I am not normal, and anything that is not normal is not to be trusted. I see the human race crack and mend, only to crack again under the pressure of crime and prejudice and fear that cannot be contained. But, who is truly weak in this comparison?_

_I have known many creatures, including humans, and I vividly recall one human in particular. She was as I was: powerful, beautiful (although I still abstain from calling myself beautiful) and could face danger with pride and warrior skills that kept her alive. Never would I have thought I could meet a person such as her. I am a hardened warrior, skilled with the use of blades, able to withstand extremes that could kill anyone or anything else. And, I had to bear witness to this sort of thing that killed her._

_I realized that night, as evening was closing in around us, holding her in my arms, what had happened to me. For as strong as I was on the exterior, there was a flaw inside, a frail spot that had shattered when I told myself what was truth. I refused to listen to my own rationality, confused and distraught. My heart was as frail as her body was and, when her body failed her, my heart broke. With her last breath, my heart broke. I know people use the term love in many ways and love can mean many things, but no matter how that word was used, it couldn't describe what I felt for her._

_I was frail enough to let myself fall in love. I knew it was a bad idea. I knew it would cause me pain in the end, for the life span of a human is pitifully short, but it was not age that killed her, it was her love for me. _

_I was frail enough to let myself mourn over her. I mourn still._

_ Drizzt DoUrden_

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Sad! Sorry to bring everyone down, but I had this idea just running through my head and the plot bunnies were not going to let me ignore it. Honestly, I thought and thought and thought about this and whether I should post it and start a story, and I finally did so the bunnies would leave me alone and I could see what others thought. So, what do you think? Don't worry, the story will continue (unless everyone hates it) and I will tell everything there is to tell in terms of poor Drizzt and this frailty of his. It won't be to sappily romantic, but fantasy to me is not complete until someone has overcome the obstacle of their emotions, and love is an emotion!**

**Please tell me what you think! When I do a "Drizzt Journal," I'll do that in italics, but the author parts in bold. Then, when I am doing a regular chapter, I'll put the author parts in italics and the chapter itself will stay in regular print. Okay? Thanks so much for reading and please send a review: it helps the author to figure out what to do next! Thanks!**


	2. Watching Catti

_Sorry it took me such a long time to update! I was considering making it a one shot, but I didn't like that idea so much: I wanted to go somewhere with this. I have just finished The Crystal Shard and am starting on the second one, so I honestly have no clue how Drizzt is going to end up or how Catti Brie is going to end up, either, but I want to pretend I know for a little while. Onward._

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Watching Catti

Her hair, shining in the sun, floated around her shoulders, soft to the touch. Drizzt wouldn't know how soft it truly was; he wouldn't allow himself to touch it. Her blue eyes caught his attention whenever she looked at him, so many unspoken thoughts behind them. Her walk was graceful, despite being a human, her hips swaying as she walked, unintentionally beautiful. She was strong and wasn't afraid to stand her ground, as the drow knew from so many battle experiences with her.

He knew he shouldn't, but found he was falling in love with her.

She caught his attention with whatever she did, her smile making his heart jump. What was there about this human that he liked so much? She accepted him for who he was, for what he was. While others pushed him aside and shunned him, Catti accepted him and made him feel welcome. He had never felt like that before.

Drizzt knew himself that it wasn't to last, this infatuation of his. Something would happen to tear them apart, like something always did with whatever he grew attached to.

He just wanted to watch her watching him for as long as he could.

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Sorry this chapter is super short. I just wanted to give a little glimpse into what was going on, a peek, if I could call it that. It isn't supposed to tell you anything but a snippet of information. I want to keep the "Drizzt Journal" for all the emotional stuff until the end. I don't know how long I am going to make this story. I write it for fun and whenever the pressure of too many thoughts is getting to me. Please read and review!_


	3. Love

**If I haven't said it before, I don't own Drizzt or Catti or anything else associated with the story... I only own this poorly planned plot line... **

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Love

_Many things have been said about love:_

_"After awhile, you find your longing for them fades and you simply let the go. You will always remember and you hope they never forget, but you don't want them to love you anymore. There is a point where your wall, holding in all the pain and suffering and doubt, breaks and there is nothing to do but forget."_

_This was something that I found in my old elvish home, before I exiled myself to live under the stars and open sky. Love was not something tolerated in my particular race. There was lust, yes, but nothing akin to love. I recall reading this in an old book I had found while living underground, a book brought back from a raid above our home. It had been thrown out numerous times by numerous elves. I found it after spending the night with a priestess that gave me the choice to come with her for the night or face the wrath of her anger at my refusal, and so I had followed her, a weakling. That night, after she had gone to sleep, I had crept around the room, looking for anything that might have value. The book looked old, old indeed, and I assumed it was full of spells. I left the priestess and never heard from her again: she never knew I had the book._

_It turns out that it was a journal from a human the elves had robbed. The journal was not even halfway full of thoughts and other confessions of the human, a woman, by the penmanship. It was full of ideas of love, mostly having to do with losing the one she had loved. These things the journal keep echo in my heart every time I look her, the woman that haunts my every move and thought._

_"The sign of pure, true love is the willingness to let them be happy without you."_

_"It hurts to let it go, but it hurts worse keeping it all in."_

_My ranger's mind sneered at these statements. This was nothing more than a journal for the woman to spill her sicking sweet thoughts into, something that should have been burned in the raid instead of tucked away in the shelf of a priestess, who would have burned it most likely if she had took the time to open the book._

_My elven soul felt sadness for this woman. What had happened to her love to cause all this anguish, all this pain? I couldn't imagine the sorrow she might have gone through; I assume that her lover had died and left her in the wide world all alone. He had gone somewhere she couldn't follow until her time had come._

_I took this journal and wrote my own thought on the very back page, leaving my own mark in this novel of heartache. I knew that I couldn't ever have Catti as my own, there was too much difference between us. But, I wanted to let my guard down just once, to write something that beautiful just once... Just once._

_"Stop thinking..._

_Stop breathing..._

_Leave her well alone;_

_For the mark of true love means_

_You would rather live alone."_

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This is by no means the end! I still have a bucket or two of angst coming up! Please, please, please review and tell me what you have to say about this story! I really appreciate it! Thanks for reading and I'll update soon!**


	4. Tragedy

**Here is the final chapter in the story! I was just going to pull it, but I thought, "I already wrote three chapters; why destroy it now?" So I just decided to finish it. **

**Thank you all for reading and I hope to get just one or two more reviews out of it. I don't think I'll do another Drizzt story, but it was nice to try writing one! Thanks for reading!**

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Tragedy

_It's strange when death sweeps over the things you love. Not so much strange as heartbreaking. My race is used to death. My race deals death daily, rarely caring who or what they kill, as long as it serves a higher purpose. Or their own cause._

_The battle that was fought was long and hard; I need not go into detail, for it is probably being written about in every history book in the Forgotten Realms. None of us escaped unscathed, and many of us did not escape at all. We won the battle, but at what cost? Catti was one of those lost in the fight. _

_I hope I will never forget how glorious she appeared as she struck her foes, spinning and whirling, her sword flashing. I hope I will never remember how frightened she looked when she herself was dealt a blow, the ax crushing her chest, breaking her fragile bones. She fell, the sunrise shinning in her eyes as they dimmed, their own light extinguished. _

_I went to her side, hoping there was a chance the blow was not as deadly as it appeared, but my hope was crushed like her heart was. Only it didn't kill me, the heartache I felt at that moment. I killed her attacker after a brief battle. I hardly recall a moment of the bloodbath; I remember pulling Catti away from the battlefield, away from the horror around her, the anguish she could no longer see._

_I did not let my emotions get the best of me. I went back and fought, leaving her covered in the patch of grass I had carried her to. I tried to prevent death while I dealt it, attempting to block tragedy from overcoming those of us who survived. What a useless thing to do. Tragedy would always follow death: there was no preventing it._

_After the battle, I went to see Catti as she was being prepared for her funeral ceremony. I watched as they brushed her hair back from her face, placing the flowers in her hair and in her hands, dressed in the finest dress she had owned, which was meager by standards. She looked nothing like the Catti-Brie I knew. At least they gave her the dignity of placing her sword at her side, the weapons of her foes at her feet. Her hunter's cloak was wrapped around her and she was brought to the funeral pyre. I watched as the fires were lit around her, but I did not watch her body burn. I had no need to stay. She was free from the trivial matters of the world while I was left behind, expected to help fix the mess that had helped kill her. _

_Tragedy had come over the land like a dark blanket, reminding me of what I escaped from, of my race who were the master weavers of sorrow and tragedy. I plan on traveling on, to rid my mind of Catti, who I had come to care for just in time to lose her. I plan to wander until I have cleaned myself of tragedy, of the heartbreak I feel._

_I plan to forget everything I ever loved and lost._

_Drizzt DoUrden_

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Thank you for reading! Please leave me a review if you have anything to say! (I apologize if I have not spelled any of the names correctly.) Happy Reading!**


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